


got me so high, and then she dropped me | suayeon

by chaoticdadaproject



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Drug Use, Drugs, F/F, References to Drugs, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:22:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25266046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticdadaproject/pseuds/chaoticdadaproject
Summary: siyeon gets high at a party and bora takes her hometw // graphic drug description
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 122





	got me so high, and then she dropped me | suayeon

I knew I took too much as soon as the grit hit the back of my throat. The familar chemical taste taking over my senses for the fourth (or fifth?) time tonight. It took all my willpower to swallow it down and fight the urge to throw up. I opened my eyes to see Soyeon and Soojin both laughing at me. 

"Your eyes are FUCKED Siyeon," she said between fits of laughter. I got up off the bathroom floor, clinging onto the sink in front of me to look at myself in the mirror. My hair stuck to my forehead with sweat and my jaw couldn't stop shaking even after clasping it shut with my hand. And my eyes were more like two big black holes stucking me in through the mirror. I felt my body pulling forwards until I felt the cold glass against my nose, momentarily waking me up from my daze. This elicited more shrieks of laughter from the girls on the floor. 

"My skin is so smooth guys, come touch my arms, oh my god," said Soojin, pulling up the sleeves of her tight black dress and trying to grab at our hands with a comically large smile on her face. Soyeon stroked her arm with a small " woah" leaving her lips. 

My eyes caught sight of the bathtub on the other side of the room instead and I instinctively climbed inside. I felt the cold marble against my exposed lower back and it made my breath catch in my throat. I pulled my hands over my clothes, the material making each nerve on my palms buzz with electricity. I had missed this feeling. The music from outside seemed to vibrate through the walls and into my body. Sound turned into certain colours, shapes and silhouettes behind my eyelids.

I turned to my left to see Soyeon touching more than just Soojins arms now. The realisation of how sensitive their skin was made them strip off their clothes, touching as much as they could. I sighed and turned to the tiled wall on my right, trying to follow the pattern with my finger. Focusing gave me intense tunnel vision and nothing else around me mattered. Nothing was on my mind, my brain only made way for small acknowledgments of the present moment, then they would leave as quick as they came, like cars on a highway. 

My temperature kept fluctuating drastically and I felt goosebumps pop up on my skin. I stumbled out of the bath and grabbed a soft towel to wrap around myself. It was the softest thing my skin had ever felt, my fingertips felt like they were having mini orgasms. I laughed loudly at the thought, I should honestly be a comedian. My laugh was hoarse and Soojin noticed, climbing off of Soyeons lap and filling up some water for me from the sink. 

"Siyeon, drink babe," she said kneeling next to me and pouring the water into my mouth, cupping my chin. I felt like a baby bird. Soyeon looked like she was almost moved to tears by the display of platonic affection. 

"Soojin, you look after us so well, I'm so grateful to have you in my life, you both are amazing, I love you so much." Her hands reaching for us as she poured her heart out. I smiled and hugged them both tightly. "I love you both more," I squealed into their chests. This always seemed to happen with whoever I was with while high. An overwhelming feeling of love and warmth would take over, sometimes it would freak me out, other times like right now, I embraced it wholeheartedly. 

"Both of your vibes and auras are so beautiful right now guys," Soojin said with happy tears in her eyes while cupping both our chins. I wanted to say the exact same thing, we were all on the same wave length. I smiled with my eyes closed focusing on the small innocent touch. The appreciation I had for these girls was incredible. I would die for them. Even though I vaguely remember meeting them a few hours ago.

A loud knock on the bathroom door shook all of us out of our happy dreamworld. Anxiety took over my body and all my muscles tensed.

"Siyeon! Are you in there??" I knew that beautiful voice all too well.  
"BORAAAA! " I screamed, jumping up and climbing over the girls to open the door. The first thing that caught my eye was the beautiful red lipstick she was wearing. The way her dark hair cascaded down her sides, looking oh so soft, my fingers practically begging to comb through. Her small revealing red dress acted as a magnet pulling me in but as I looked into her eyes....She was scared. 

"Siyeon.." She said in the most worried voice imaginable. It made me want to cry. 

Bora caught sight of the girls on the floor and her attitude changed completely. " WHO ARE YOU BOTH AND WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER?" I turned around and saw the girls shrink and back away, looking terrified. 

"Bora..." I whispered, hoping that she would calm down so the aura could go back to being calm and beautiful. She looked at me, with worry filled eyes. "How do you know them?" She asked me quietly, clearly noticing how her tone affected me. I was so grateful for that. 

"We met her outside earlier, don't you dare trouble her," Soojin stood up and said protectively, squeezing my hand. I could tell Bora wanted to explode with rage. She blamed them for my state when in reality it was me who got us all high. If only she knew how fucked up her best friend really was.

I looked into Soojins eyes with a grateful smile, "Don't worry Soojin, me and Bora have known each other forever, she could never trouble me." I turned to Bora with the most reassuring smile I could muster, to show her that I was still capable of some sober words and actions. She looked at me, still concerned for me but less threatening. Then composed herself and said to Soojin resolutely, "I am taking her home. Don't try to contact her again." She took hold of my wrist and pulled me out of the bathroom, through the crowds of drunken students and out of the party. 

It was cold and dark outside of the house, my black crop barely giving me any warmth. The only thing keeping me grounded to my surroundings was the feeling of Bora's soft hand around my wrist. I focused on the back of the short girl's head as she continued to walk briskly down the street with me in tow. I was too scared to say anything, in case I slurred my words and worried her even more. What if she took me to the hospital? Or worse, my parents? My breathing started to quicken with the rising anxiety. 

Bora must have noticed how scared I looked when she turned around and stopped. My legs kept going before my sluggish brain could tell them to stop and I walked right into her. The feeling of her body against mine was overwhelming and warm. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her, burying my face in her hair and smelling her sweet familiar perfume. She felt like home. 

"Siyeon, how do you feel? can you breathe okay? do we need to go to the hospital?" She kept asking questions so fast into my ear, clearly she had no idea what to do and she was so scared. 

"No hospital, Bora I will be okay in a few hours, trust me. Just take me home." It took all my strength to say that in the most convincing way. Truely, I had never taken that much before in one night and had no idea what would happen. All I knew was i'd probably die of an anxiety attack if I had to face a doctor. 

"You're coming home with me," she said, wrapping her arms tightly around my waist and shakily sighing into my shoulder. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours (probably a minute or so), under the soft light of the nearby street lamp. If only this girl knew, she was everything my heart yearned for. I had her in my arms right now, (albeit under unideal circumstances) and she was going to take me home. My heart wanted to burst, this time out of love, not anxiety. 

She loosened her grip to look up at me, scanning my face for any unusual symptoms. I knew I had a cold sweat, my pupils were blown and my jaw was agitated, which were the normal symptoms I was accustomed to. However, she didn't know that. I felt so terrible. But before I could wallow in regret she asked me. 

"Have you taken this before?" I could tell she tried her best to sound unphased by whatever answer I was about to give her. She's known me forever, and known how depressed I've become these past years. However she didn't know this was my way of dealing with it, going to strangers parties and taking as many dissociative substances as possible without dying. I had no idea she would be at this party tonight, and how did she even know to look for me? Probably one of the people at the party mentioned my name. My mind was running 100mph but I knew none of that mattered now. She was here and she was asking me. So I said "Yes."

She nodded curtly and avoided my eyes. It broke my heart to see how I shattered her trust like this. She was never meant to know, none of my friends were. I regretted opening the bathroom door for her in the first place but high Siyeon was still as in love with her as sober Siyeon and wanted to see her face desperately. But now her face was crestfallen, trying to hide the pain and think of what to do next to preoccupy her mind and keep me safe. I didn't deserve her, I already knew this. I never would. 

"I'm sorry-" I said meekly before she interrupted , "Don't worry about it Siyeon, let's just get back to my place where it's warmer for you, it's freezing out here." Thankfully, her apartment was only a few minutes walk which I must've known at the start of the evening and forgotten half way through. I tried my best to walk in a straight line along side her but couldn't help bumping my arm against hers occasionally just to remind myself that she wasnt a hallucination. 

When we got to her building, she took my hand and helped me up the stairs, my whole body tensed at her touch again which must have been visible. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" She asked letting go of my hand, concerned and confused about whether I felt things different on my skin. " I'm okay, " I whispered, staring at the stairs trying to will my feet to go up one by one while holding the railing. 

Bora fumbled with her keys in her shaky hands a bit before opening her apartment door. She let me in and I stood awkwardly in the doorway while she locked the door and headed straight to the kitchen to get me some water and probably an array of snacks and a blanket from the sofa. 

A part of me wanted her to just yell at me, to get angry and give me what I deserved. I wanted her to hurt me and make me further regret my shitty habits and behaviour these past few years. I treated her differently after I found out my feelings for her. She kept being the most amazing friend, even when I started to shy away from her touches and watched my words carefully. She noticed how I withdrew invitations to our weekly sleepovers and stopped getting drunk at parties with her. She asked, quite a few times, what was wrong but I could never say. Losing her all together was my worst fear.

"Siyeon," she said softly, pulling my attention away from the carpeted floor. She had placed snacks all over the coffee table and had lots of blankets and pillows on the sofa and one of her big sleep shirts in her hands ready to give to me. God, I wanted to cry again. She deserved such a better best friend.

"Why don't you put this on, and we can chill on the sofa for a bit," she said, passing me the shirt. I looked up and gave her a small smile. She noticed how shakey my fingers were when I attempted to take off my shoes and she asked tentatively, "Do you need help taking off your clothes?" My eyes went wide and I couldn't believe what she just asked me. "I-" I couldn't make words. "because your hands are shakey," she added when she saw my reaction, "I won't look or anything, I promise."

I saw a blush on her cheeks that probably matched mine. She looked so gorgeous right now, I couldn't help but stare. "Siyeon," she said, concern written on her features. " Yes, okay. " I said quickly, trying to will inappropriate images of her out of mind.

Her fingers curled under my crop top and pulled up, exposing my bra. She folded the top and put it on the sofa and avoided looking at my chest. I wish she could see me the way I see her, with such beauty in everything she does. She reached for the button of my jeans and looked up at me, silently asking for permission. I nodded, realising that I had been holding my breath all this time.

She unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, and got on her knees to pull them down and oh my god I swear my soul left my body at the sight. I didn't know how I stayed standing. I hated these thoughts I was having and regretted them so much, but seeing her pretty face so close to my.... caused so much warmth to grow inside me. I was struck with the intense urge to kneel down and kiss her until we both couldn't breathe. I wanted to tangle my fingers in her hair and feel her soft lips on mine. To see her smudged lipstick and heart warming smile before leaving wet kisses down her neck and over her exposed collarbones.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts when she got up and pulled the shirt over my head that smelt so much like her. My senses were overwhelmed and the only thing my body called for was _bora bora bora._ I hope she couldn't see this hunger in my eyes, the shame of it all grabbing me by the throat again and making me want to run away as far as possible. I was such a mess.

"I want you to eat and drink something before you try to sleep-"  
"I won't be able to sleep." I said without thinking. "This stops me from sleeping." I added. She looked me in the eyes and nodded. "Okay, then I'll stay up with you. We can watch a movie or something to take your mind off things. I've read that it's quite easy to have a bad trip and I just want you to be okay." She held my hands in hers and gave me a soft smile. She was so precious and attentive, my whole body wanted to show all my gratitude and thanks and love for her right then. I wrapped her up in another tight hug and kept whispering _"thank you thank you thank you"_ under my breath, until she starting laughing and pulled me back to sit on the sofa.

She turned on the TV and put on an Avengers movie. I drank some water like she told me to but I knew I wasn't hungry. If I ate I would probably throw up. So instead I leaned back against the soft sofa and bundled myself in lots of blankets and focused on the screen. She went to her bedroom to change out of her dress and when she came back she seemed calmer now that I was settled and not shaking anymore. Her sleep shirt reached just above her knees and made her look even smaller than she was. 

I turned my head slightly to be able to look up at her while we watched the movie. She caught me staring and smiled fondly, but something bothered her. "I don't want to make you feel anxious in any way Siyeon, but I'd like for us to talk about this tomorrow or when you feel like yourself again. If it's an addiction, I want to help you. If your mental health is struggling I want you to know that I'm always here, I know I don't seem like the serious person but I can be for you." She said this so earnestly and I could see then how much she cared for me. 

"Okay," was all I could say back. I kept staring at her, probably looking like I had hearts in my eyes the entire time. She was perfect inside and out. I wondered how many sick children I'd saved in my past life to deserve this woman in my life. 

"Watch the movie, you dork," she said poking my cheek. I elbowed her and laughed when she looked incredibly offended. Now it seemed we were back to normal for once and a weight lifted off my chest. "Hey!" She pushed me back to the arm of the sofa, and I shoved her back giggling. I couldn't remember the last time we were like this but that might have been my clouded mind's fault. 

"I've missed this," Bora said between her loud laughs and I stopped. "I've missed you" she added, trying not to sound too serious. I knew the pain I had caused her for some time now, but I just couldn't seem to stop. I could never seem to just be honest with her, about everything. That is what a true friend does and I couldn't even get that right.

"Hey, don't worry! I didn't mean to get all serious," she hurriedly said when she saw my expression. She pushed me down on the sofa again with a smile and tried to change the subject, but I stayed looking up at the ceiling, with the same look on my face. I couldn't hear what she was saying. All I could think about was how selfish I was as a friend.

"Siyeon," suddenly I felt her body resting on top of me. My eyes darted to hers, _she was on top of me._ "Everything's okay," she said, her face above mine. She didn't seem to notice how close she was. I know we were like this in our friendship before but it's been so long I've forgotten what it's like. Her hands were on either side of the sofa, and she was scanning my features trying to figure out if I was okay. But I wasn't.

Not when she was looking at me like that. Her nose was almost touching mine and I could count every one of her eyelashes if I wanted to. Her wavy hair settled around my face and trapped us in our own little bubble where all I could see was her. Her scent flooded my senses and I forgot how to breathe. It should be illegal to be as beautiful as Bora. She was just too good to be true.

Then she started to get up but without thinking I pulled her back down slowly with my hand behind her neck. Her eyebrows pulled together slightly but before she could ask anything, my lips were on hers. They were the softest lips I'd ever felt, and I swear I was in heaven. My other hand slowly moved to trace down her jaw, then to her chin.

And as if this moment couldn't possibly get any better, I gently felt her kiss me back. It felt like a fire erupted in my chest and I was about to burst out of my skin. This had to be a dream, a hallucination, because there was no way this was real and happening right now. I felt her hands grip my sides and I broke away slightly just to kiss her again, and again. Each light kiss making my heart race and stomach flip. My hands cupped her cheeks and I took her bottom lip into my mouth, the small sound that escaped the back of her throat, made my insides riot. Warmth spreading between my legs and wanting nothing more than to kiss her forever. 

But that thought was too good to be true. I knew it was. She slowly started to move her hands up to mine to pull them away from her face and parted her lips from mine. I was too scared to open my eyes, the weight of what I just did starting to crush me. I felt her get up, the warmth leaving my body instantly. All my happiness from the moment before was replaced with dread. 

"Siyeon...you are high right now and I don't want to do anything that we will regret in the morning." Her voice cracked a little when she spoke. I couldn't move, the ghost of her lips still on mine distracted me from what she said. "Are you okay?" 

I finally opened my eyes and sat up to stare at her. She looked back at me with hope in her eyes. I felt a confession on the tip of my tongue which I tried to swallow back. Her hand found mine, her fingers tracing calming circles over my knuckles. I lost my resolve. 

"Bora, I've been wanting to kiss you for years. Whenever I'm with you it's all I can think about. All I can focus on is you and your beautiful smile and loud laugh and small hands and soft hair and amazing body I mean not just that, not just your appearance, but everything about you. Like how passionate you are when you dance and your pride in your cooking and how caring and loving you are with our friends and with me. How you're always there for me even when I don't deserve it, even when I'm a fucked up depressed mess getting high with strangers in a bathroom and definitely don't deserve a minute of your attention but you still care. How you would literally beat someone up for me and also beat me up when I tease you and oh my god I just love you so much my heart can't take it so I have to distract myself otherwise I will breakdown and lose you like how I'm going to lose you right now I'm so-" 

"Stop it Siyeon, stop it, " Her hands reached my face and started wiping my tears. I couldn't believe I just said all that. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and die. 

"Look at me, please," she said it so softly, my chest restricted and I almost sobbed. I looked up at those beautiful dark eyes I'd fallen in love with, those eyes that were now full of love and unshed tears. "Don't cry, that confession was just a lot that I need to take in. I never knew that was how you felt. I knew things changed between us a while ago and you became more distant but I had no idea it was because of this." She looked me deep in the eyes and said something I never thought I'd hear her say, "I've loved you since I first saw you, every moment with you has had me falling deeper and deeper but I never, in a million years, thought you could see me that way. You never spoke of crushes or love, I thought you just never thought of it." 

I didn't know what to say. This was a hallucination it had to be. "Siyeon, I don't know if you will even remember this in the morning or if you will come to regret everything you said but just know I'm always going to be here. You are so much more than you think you are, it is me who is blessed to have you in my life." Her eyes were misty and her hands never left my face for a second. The weight of her words sinking in slowly. 

I started crying. And I couldn't stop. She hugged me so tightly, and I clung onto her just the same. When my breathing started to go back to normal, I kissed her lightly on the shoulder and looked up. "I have so much shame Bora, so much regret and hate towards this part of myself. I'm sorry I'm such a wreck." 

"Don't apologise," she whispered, "We'll work on it. Together." She took my hand and kissed my knuckles lightly and smiled at me. I truely didn't deserve her. But even in my cloudy state I started to think that I could at least _try_ be good enough for her. She is everything I've ever wanted. 

"Sober me will definitely remember this," I reassured her, the reality of the situation finally setting in. The love of my life loves me back. _She loves me she loves me she loves me._

_She's loved me since she first saw me_

"Then sober you will be getting a lot of kisses," she teased, smiling brightly. My heart wanted to leap out of my chest at the thought.

"I can't wait."


End file.
